Detox Happens

The first time I quite drinking, it was easy not to drink.  I had no cravings and was thus spared the soul-searching arguments with myself about why I needed not to drink.  The second time I quit drinking, exactly three months ago, it was extremely difficult not to drink.  At around five o'clock, I would begin thinking about making dinner and that would make me think about a nice glass of white wine while I examined the contents of the refrigerator and pantry and then another while I did the preparation.  I missed that part of my daily ritual and the way my world would take on a softer focus as the second glass worked its magic.

There were many days across the past 90 when I almost cried because I wanted to go back to my drinking life.  I missed the best friend and confidante who was always there for me.  At the same time, however, I felt so much better and achieved more without alcohol in my system.  A good analogy is ending a bad relationship with a great lover.  The difficulty with an addiction is that it is seductive and makes you want more and more.  "Just one glass, for old times sake," said my addiction night after night.  "I promise to leave you alone after that."  Fortunately, I had gotten rid of the wine rack in the kitchen and had recruited my husband to support my effort not to drink.  Being accountable to someone is key to successful recovery, whether it is an AA sponsor, friend, relative, or spouse.  It is easy to lie to one's self but much harder (and more painful) to lie to or disappoint someone else.

It was just a few days ago that I noticed I hadn't thought about having a glass of wine for an entire day and then I looked at the calendar.  Sure enough, I was reaching the end of the detox phase and that explained why my cravings had suddenly gone away.  It is a relief to have reached this milestone (for the second time in my life) and to know that I can live without wine even when people around me slug back glass after glass.  I smile to myself and look forward to having sweet breath in the morning.