Words to Recover by -- ACCEPT

Accept -- If we accept the things we cannot change, we stop fighting and when we stop fighting and face our vulnerabilities, we begin the process of healing from within. 

The word "accept" has many nuances: to receive gladly, to welcome, to believe, to absorb or bond, to make a contract, or to meet a minimum requirement.  In order to accept something, it must be available or on offer and we must be willing to receive it.  Sometimes, in order to grow, we have to accept things that we do not welcome, such as criticism or grief.

Recovering life is all about acceptance:  

• that we are powerless over our addiction; 
• that we cannot control anything or anyone outside of ourselves;
• of spiritual guidance;
• of help from others who live in recovery;
• of the beauty and mystery that surround us even on the worst days, if we open our senses.

EXERCISES:

1.  List five things about yourself that you accept gladly.

• Why do you accept these things about yourself?
• If your list is shorter than five, ask yourself why there are so few things about yourself that you accept.    Ө

2.  List five things about yourself that you wish were different.

• Why do these things bother you? 
• Can you change these things?  If so, how?  If not, why not?  
• If you are able to change these things but do not do so, what is stopping you?

3.  List five people in your life whom you accept gladly.

• Why do you accept these people?
• If your list is shorter than five, ask yourself why there are so few acceptable people in your life.  Ө

4.  List five people in your life whom you wish were different than they are.

• What is it about each of these people that you do not like?
• Do you believe these people can change?  If so, how?  If not, why not?
• Are there more than five people on this list?  Ө

5.  List five aspects of your life that you accept gladly.

• Why are you glad about these things?
• If you list is shorter than five, ask yourself if you are depressed.  Ө

6.  List five aspects of your life that you wish were different.

• What is it about each of these things that you do not like?
• What, if anything, can you do to make these things acceptable?
• Are there changes you would like to make but are afraid to do so?

7.  Putting It All Together:

Each of us has flaws, shortcomings, and disadvantages, which cannot be changed.  It is important to recognize these things, accept them as reality, and forgive ourselves for being less than perfect.  Often what we believe to be a problem is only because we make it so and we make it so by refusing to accept reality. The most important action we can take on the path to recovery is to find things about ourselves to appreciate.  We cannot all look like movie stars, in fact most of us do not:  we are too short/tall, too fat/thin, too dark/fair, too hirsute/bald, too much this, not enough that.  This tearing down of self is an act of self-destruction and only serves to feed our addictions.  Making peace with who and what you are is the first step to becoming strong enough to recover your life.

Unless you are a hermit, there are people with whom you interact on a regular basis.  First and foremost are family members, then come friends, co-workers, and neighbors.  Unfortunately, all of these people have flaws and shortcomings which can make them unpleasant to communicate with.  If you find yourself saying, "Suzie makes me so mad!", consider that Suzie cannot MAKE you do anything unless she is pointing a gun at your head, and even then you have a choice.  In fact, you are reacting to Suzie's behavior and this is something within your control.  The hard work of acceptance in recovery is separating your own emotions from the behavior and emotions of others.  Once you learn to do this, you can change how you respond when people in your life do things that trigger your upset feelings.

Finally, life has a way of frustrating the best laid plans.  Weather, health, politics, and economics shape the world in which we live.  Our task is to learn to manage our inner response to unanticipated challenges and problems.  In order to do that, we must learn to accept the storms that rain on parades and find some other way to move forward with our lives.  It is not always possible to make lemonade out of life's lemons, so it is important to accept and embrace being powerless. Recovering Life begins here.

Ө Intense, negative feelings toward oneself is a symptom of major depression.  Please seek the advice of a licensed mental health practitioner for treatment.

Copyright 2014 Serena Englander, All Rights Reserved